Monthly Archives: January 2008
McCained
It takes good genes and a patrician’s bearing to manage to continue to look good while you’re getting beaten around the ring like a last-second stand-in on the undercard. For a man being pummeled silly with his own money belt … Continue reading
Filed under GOP Candidates - Not Entirely Doomed
Mitt Out Of Luck (or “Goodbye-Rudy Tuesday”)
The bad news for the GOP is that they lost all the Republican hairdressers tonight. Mitt Romney was the best potential hair apparent the Grand Old Party has had since their impossible 1988 choice between the fabulous coiffures of Jack … Continue reading
Filed under GOP Candidates - Doomed
Stale To The Chief
In the gamut of Presidential oratory, John F. Kennedy’s “Ask Not” speech still owns a comfortable spot at one end of the spectrum. After the 2008 State Of The Union, we have a new effort on the other end with … Continue reading
Filed under Ducks - Lame
Ru-taliatory Strike
There’s no suspense left in the Giuliani Campaign. His all-the-marbles Florida Firewall strategy wasn’t up to code and erupted in flames. Never mind the poll numbers, which consistently had him fighting the similarly-flailing Mike Huckabee for fourth place, it was … Continue reading
Filed under GOP Candidates - Doomed
Don’t Go Barackan My Heart
I feel so dirty. I don’t usually do this. Honestly, this isn’t the way my parents brought me up. After watching Barack Obama’s victory speech in South Carolina last night, I felt like that poor embarrassed girl, looking around a … Continue reading
Filed under Democratic Candidates - Dead Sexy
No Country for Old Men
Maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t remember any Ensure ads during the last Democratic debate on MSNBC. I couldn’t help feeling during Thursday night’s Republican debate like I should hang my head in equal measures of shame and respect as … Continue reading
Filed under GOP Candidates - Doomed
Baby, You Can Drive My War
I always liked those old World War II movies where bright-eyed Jimmy stifled his tears and said goodbye to Mom and Dad at the train station, and not to worry about him, because he was going off to fight for … Continue reading
Filed under GOP Candidates - Not Entirely Doomed
“Soy Mitt Romney, y soy un bolso del douche.”
For all the Spanish-speaking Florida voters who have been bristling at the 2008 Model Mitt Romney barking at them, “English! Hablé it or get out!”–never mind the Americans wondering if they might get sent to Guantanamo under a Romney Administration … Continue reading
Filed under GOP Candidates - Doomed
Controlled Demo-lition
In the grand Democratic tradition of Michael Dukakis, Al Gore, and John Kerry, the Democrats seem determined once again to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory as this year’s front-runners beat one another bloody in the run-up to a … Continue reading
Filed under Poo-Flinging
Will Someone Get This Man A Cigar And An Intern, Please?
With Ginormous Testicle Tuesday (or whatever they’re calling it this week) looming, if Hillary is going to seize the nomination, her campaign managers have to step up as they never have before. It’s one thing to protect your candidate from … Continue reading
Filed under Democratic Candidates - Female
