Rush-hour traffic accidents were at a four-year-high across America Tuesday evening as Americans got in their cars after work, turned on the radio, and promptly drove into ditches, phone polls, and one another when they learned that Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was on the verge of one of the most stunning political upsets since she was beaten like a rented mule in Iowa last Thursday night.
Somewhere on high a mischievous God is cackling to Himself, making pundipshits out of all of us know-it-all armchair political sages who left for work this morning already shoveling dirt on Hillary Clinton’s pallid, lifeless face. I guess we’re the same crowd that picked the Dolphins to contend this year.
As of 6:26 PM PST, Hillary’s moribund Presidential campaign appears to have made the biggest comeback since Meat Loaf (and, to many, the most unwelcome). Everyone who remembers Bill Clinton’s “Comeback Kid” speech during his 1992 loss in New Hampshire were already cringing in anticipation of Hillary taking what appeared could be a double-digit shellacking and proclaiming herself Lazarus in a pantsuit. God help us all if she actually pulls out a win, and we’re treated to Bill Clinton presenting her with a tiara and flowers and piling everyone into a U-Haul to drive down to D.C. and start ramming the gates of the White House.
The mantra all week has been that of Change Versus Experience, which may explain the still-unsettled numbers between Clinton and Obama, and why the battle returned to them after party insiders failed to draft Emo Phillips to compete for the nomination and couldn’t get permission from the estate of Hubert Humphrey to exhume the lifelong Democratic stalwart and place his name on the New Hampshire ballot.
